I had the pleasure of interviewing Julie McLindon, Life Coach. Her areas of specialty include Life Transitions and Healing Within or After a Relationship. I wanted her take on relationships and clutter for all my women friends (okay, and the men, too!). The second part of our interview is for all the single ladies out there!
If you missed Part I, then read it real quick and come back! I’ll wait for you. Part I: Relationships & Clutter: Couple/Marriage Relationships
Part II: Relationships & Clutter: Single Relationship
Melody: Now, I’d like to help women in a single relationship. I have been contacted by single women who claim to have clutter or messiness problems. Some of them only invite their closest friends in their homes. They may float between relationships or not have relationships at all, although they would like to find “the one.” I have heard the mindset statement “if they can’t accept me as I am, then they aren’t for me.” The great news for the “cluttered” single woman that contacts me is that she is ready for a change, taking the steps for herself instead of for someone else.
Julie: Exactly. When someone contacts you Melody, they have reached a point at which they’re ready to move forward instead of staying stuck in the past. With that, you bring up an important point. Just like losing weight, quitting smoking, or any other challenging change in lifestyle, it can only happen if the person who’s trying to change is doing it for herself (or himself). Doing it for some external reason, ie: another person, just won’t work. In reaching out to you for support they are taking a step toward committing to that change in lifestyle.
Melody: Do you believe that it may be true that the cluttered single woman is being resistant to change because she may fear finding “the relationship” she craves?
Julie: It’s certainly possible. However, each of us has had a unique set of experiences, those experiences give rise to subconscious beliefs and feelings about ourselves. In this case something like the idea that we are unlovable or unworthy of love. The resistance is based on those beliefs, and it takes real courage to face them and work through them. The good news it that once we’ve done that we open ourselves up to countless new possibilities in our lives, and one of those possibilities just might be “the relationship.”
Melody: Do you feel like clutter, disorganization, or messiness can be preventing her from becoming involved in a healthy, happy relationship? Why or why not?
Julie: I’m going to guess here that although she’s promised herself time and time again that she would get organized, it still hasn’t happened. When we tell ourselves over and over that we’ll do something and then we don’t follow through, we begin to believe that we can’t trust ourselves. Once that belief takes hold in one area of our lives it spreads to other areas as well, like relationships. So to answer your question, yes, it could hinder her ability to become involved in a happy, healthy relationship. We have to be able to trust ourselves before we can truly trust others. As in my previous answer, I want to point out that these beliefs are subconscious. Becoming aware of them is a huge step in itself.
I can’t wait to share the rest of the interview! Keep your eyes open for Part III: Relationships & Clutter. In the meantime, if you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute phone session with Julie, then reach out to her (your conversation doesn’t have to be about clutter!)
More About Julie McLindon
Julie’s coaching work is done by phone, so she has had the privilege of supporting clients across the country as they create new and exciting possibilities for their lives. Her areas of specialty include Life Transitions and Healing Within or After a Relationship. Julie has a master’s degree in counseling and is certified as a life coach by the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching.